When Friends Stop Homeschooling
May 2008
This
is the time of year when people think about their plans for fall. It
feels wonderful to see the END of each school year, and look forward to
the
beginning of the next year. Unfortunately, though, this is
also
the time of year when some friends announce that they will stop
homeschooling for one reason or another. I remember some
years when I was really shocked at the people who stopped.
Long time friends, committed homeschoolers. The hard truth is
that some of your long-time homeschool friends may decide to put their
kids into a traditional school setting. Too often this
happens because parents are afraid to homeschool middle school and high
school.
Ouch! When this happens, it can really hurt – and
throw you off balance. So what should you do when friends
stop homeschooling?
Know your child and trust
yourself
The
best advice I ever received was given to me by my midwife, shortly
after the birth of my first child. “Know your child
and trust yourself” she said. It still holds true,
even when your baby grows up. Only YOU know what your child
needs – you know your child better than anyone, and only you
can decide the right course of action. Notice that this only
applies to your own child, not your friend’s child.
Oh, phooey! It would be nice to have all the answers for
everyone, but that just isn’t possible. The good
news, though, is that we do have the answer to our OWN situation, and
the answer comes through knowing (and loving) our own child.
Notice that my midwife didn’t say it would be easy.
It’s hard; parenting is always hard. Even parenting
an “easy” child is hard! But through knowing your
own child, you can make the best decision for your child, and then you
can trust the decision that you make.
Don’t follow
the crowd
Don't let what other people do affect your behavior. You know what's
right for your child, and it doesn't really have anything to do with
other people. If you like homeschooling, keep with
it. Having a friend change their plans shouldn’t
change your homeschool. If you remember that your decision is
based on your knowledge of your child, then someone else’s
decision will have less of an impact. You and your children
can continue to be friends with them. This is just a small
change, in the scheme of things. Small changes happen all the
time and we adjust. This is just another small change.
Use what works
Is homeschooling working for you? I’m not asking if
it’s perfect, because no school will ever be
perfect. I’m only asking if it’s
working! Are your kids progressing through subjects, learning
things, doing things? Don’t ask yourself if
something else MIGHT work better, because you don’t know for
sure if the grass is really greener somewhere else. You only
know your own homeschool. Is it working? If
it’s working, don’t stop!
The known and the unknown
You don’t know if a traditional school situation will help
your kids. When Kevin was in a 4th grade
“Gifted” program in public school, he didn't stay
on track, didn't finish his textbooks in the year, goofed off much of
the day. Other kids didn't turn in their homework or finish
the reading. Yet nobody cared! Even if you change schools,
that “staying on track” situation may not change at
all. Moms are often their own worst enemy. Don't
beat yourself up, just look for the best solution for your family.
Kids on the conveyor belt
Do
you remember the “I Love Lucy” episode
with the candy conveyor belt? That’s what
traditional classrooms are like! When
kids get behind, they will do whatever it takes to catch up –
and sometimes “whatever it takes” means
not learning the content! In school,
kids are on a conveyor belt, and they move at a certain speed
regardless of how quickly they are learning. Is that what you
think “staying on track” means? Our
mission as homeschoolers is NOT to have our kids stay on
track! Our
mission is to teach them at a speed that is right
for them - always challenging but never overwhelming.
Keeping
kids on track isn’t necessarily a good thing.
Keeping parents on track
Keeping parents on track is usually a better tactic.
Prioritizing your homeschool, keeping lists or checklists, and
developing schedules can help. My children were able to
follow my instruction as long as it was typed out. For
whatever reason, my oral instructions always seemed to be open for
debate. When I gave my kids written instructions, it somehow
seemed to be more “official” and they usually
accomplished it without complaining. If you have trouble
keeping yourself on track, consider getting a curriculum with a
teachers guide or schedule. Sonlight Curriculum is what I
used when I first started homeschooling. The schedule helped
kept me on task.
If Sonlight doesn’t meet your needs, make up your own
schedule. I used “Managers of Their
Homes” by Teri Maxwell.
Her strategies taught me to prioritize education above most of the
other things that fill our lives. School first and
“stuff” second. I
began to
recognize that homeschooling was my vocation and chosen career, not
just one more household task.
I believe fear is the
most significant factor in the decision to put
children back in a traditional school setting, especially as high
school approaches. Will I be able to teach high
school
subjects? Will I jeopardize my children’s
future? What if there is a crisis at home and I
can’t teach? My job is to encourage
parents, and to explain high school.
I hope talking about homeschooling high school will make it seem ordinary, so that by the time you face high school, the fear is gone. You will be able to make decisions based on what is best for your child, instead of basing your decision on fear. Next month I have an article discussing the “What if?” fears and what you can do to overcome them.
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